Sunday, November 1, 2009



I am so sorry that I haven’t written in such a long time. As with every relationship, they need to be nurtured and cared for. Once one person stops giving, the relationship becomes one sided. Since I introduced myself to you first, I think my role in our relationship is to continually break the ice and bring back the spark of familiarity that created our interest in each other.


I’m listening to the rain touch the windows while I sip hot chamomile tea and honey.

My heart is racing.

It’s a good thing that my elementary school teachers forced to me learn how to type with the “home row”. Now, my fingers can almost keep up with the pounding pace of my thoughts. Life lessons standing at the doors of my mind.

I’m scared…

“Jason, we’ve been waiting for you to let us in for a long time. Take the loosely fit chain off of your neck so you can walk to the peep hole of the door. You must take off the chain in order to see what’s out here.”

Hiding in plain sight, in this safe place…

In 2004, Kevin says, “Rusty, you are literally a major record labels dream. You’ve got the talent to do it. But you’re a real good dude. Because of that, I think that you’re gonna climb all the way to the top and see how fucked up the music industry is and quit.”

Now I understand what Kevin meant.

2005, Alex walks into the studio and says, “I think you need to sing that track with more feeling, more tenacity, better delivery. You gotta let the listeners know that you are feeling what you’re saying. When you do that, they all will feel lit. After all, you wrote it.”

I needed to show my strength and passion.

Around 2006, Marla says, “Tell me about your family.” “Well, my mother is an angel with golden wings and if there ever was a person who was going to heaven, she one.” “Okay, I’ll help you with your music career.”

But still, keep love in my heart.

2007, Kris says on the phone, “I’m joining the military, the lease expires in about two weeks, so you should look for a new place to live.”

Don’t let others selfishly drain you.

In 2008, I said to Anthony, “See that drawing on your wall?!?! See that right there?! The guy who drew that was a great man! We can be great men too. We don’t have to live our lives a certain way just because people say we have to. We HAVE to do what makes us happy and makes us feel fulfilled!!! There’s no reason why, with hard work and sacrifice, we can’t be as great as the dude who drew that picture thousands of years ago. I mean, damn yo!”

Even when you’re exhausted, give the best parts of yourself to others.

2009, Hollywood Manager/Agent says, “Rusty J, you’ve got all the pieces of the puzzle to be a megastar. But how bad do you want it? What are you will to do to make the big deals happen?” “Well it depends on how hot she is. haha!” “What if it’s not a she? What if it’s a he wanting to watch you with a she?”

Even if some says it is right, never do what your heart knows is wrong.

Fall 2009, rapper on the radio says, “I made it all happen without a record deal.”

Don’t be afraid.

In closing I would like to publicly acknowledge the heroes/angels who have saved me during low points in my life, never changed teams and always chose love, even when it meant facing their fears and ignoring their egos.

Thank you Heroes, and as my Mom has always said to me, “I love you to sky.”

R. Jason